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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918805">blank state</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Daddy Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Messy, Murder, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Thoughts of Suicide, thoughts of murder, very inspired by stephen king</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:49:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918805</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>joy to the world</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>blank state</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>read the tags.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>hes tired. he can feel it in his veins. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he wants to cut them open, slice their necks, feed them to their dog, and vomit their dreams up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the constant dripping of the shower next to him reminds him of who he is, his place in their family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>his father’s house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>his father. his sweet (abusive), kind (liar), funny (disgusting), father. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he loves (he doesn't) him. so very much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>being here is like a dreamy headache; its exhausting and it makes his flesh crawl while also feeling like its on</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>FIRE </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and he wants to wash his thoughts away with the droplets of water falling from the shower. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>damn, he misses his mom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he loves her so dearly, he needs her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he swears if she ever dies he’ll kill himself </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(her death isnt his only suicide plan).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>honestly, mark wants to do it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(kill them). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he wants to stand up and walk steadily, slowly, into the kitchen and then to his family’s respective rooms, and then </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(make them cry, beg for it) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>stab them, in the chest, eyes, mouth, stomach, anus, anywhere it hurts </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(everywhere it hurts).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>they’d deserve it anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>mark is now sliding a thin blade across his thighs, which are littered with large, red cuts and smaller ones too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he wants this; it keeps him from assaulting and taking his </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(motherfucking worthless stupid asshole shitface cunt freak) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>family’s lives. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>mark </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(kill them make them pay hurt them fuck them steal their souls take whats yours make them …) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>throws the blade down, and cleans all his cuts, except  one. he likes to feel the blood dripping down his thighs at night, so he leaves a memory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>a bloody, lovely memory. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>mark is basically me :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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